I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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