I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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