john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
