I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
