Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
