I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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