I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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