party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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