Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
