I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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