The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
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He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
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I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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