i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
