I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The beer is more important than you right now.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
