guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
