I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
