i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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