i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
