best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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