sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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