So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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