just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
