You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
