found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
