Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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