I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
