Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
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It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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