In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
