I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
