So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
