who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
