im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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