Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
