I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
