508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
