Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
