I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
