it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
