She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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