She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
