Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
