I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
