Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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