forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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