I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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