He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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