Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
