You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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