Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
