Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
