It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
