True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My dick has a subreddit
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
