Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
