i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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