You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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