i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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