Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
