she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
