So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Sober January is a disaster.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
