Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
In other news, I just burned my penis
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
