New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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