If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
