Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Randomize
