Don't make out with my wife yet
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
