Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
