Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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