Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think I sprained my soul last night
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
