and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
