I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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