I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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