I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
